Life Lessons with Oscar

By Maude Le Roux, OTR/L, SIPT, RCTC, DIR® Expert Trainer at A Total Approach

Oscar came into our lives over 11 years ago and wove his way into our hearts with his furry body, wagging tail and face that always laughed. He brought gaiety into our home and so much wonder. As I sit and ponder about missing him and his presence, I reminisce over some of the many lessons he taught us.

Oscar truly understood the art of being. For him it was only this moment, the only moment that could possibly count. Tomorrow was a concept only understood as a bedtime routine, and we will rise again tomorrow. He did not worry about if he was going to eat or going to get a new toy or if he was going to feel rejected, socially isolated, or achieve. He accepted what he got and tried to squeeze what he could from the moment he had. Children, especially at the younger ages, actually operate the same way. They are only concerned about today, not about tomorrow. While we worry about their future, their grades, having friends, they look to us with eyes that convey the silent message of “now”. What about today? How could we respond to them today? Does what we do today matter to what happens tomorrow? Yes, of course it does. Actually, worry does not do much more than increase thoughts around concerns, creating more anxiety instead of taking what today brings and fusing it into tomorrow. Of course, I am not saying we should not plan, more that every day consists of moments in time during which we could harvest every day problem solving opportunities that will support the many tomorrows to come.

Oscar had a certain vitality about life. He begged for life to be sniffed, explored, barked at and each of these he did with gusto and great fervor. When he saw a deer in our backyard woods, he would bark until we came to him and then he would shift his snout to show us: “Come and look”. Sometimes we could see the deer, other times, the possums and red foxes were only for his eyes. He would stand proudly erect, body stiff with excited tension and convey the message of his great find! We validated him and looked with him until he calmed down nicely and we could have our ears for ourselves again! Oh, what I would give to have one more of those moments! He begged us to recognize these daily events as part of our relationship, as the “food” that sheltered and built our companionship. What we miss is him, his relationship, his being, not what he achieved or not achieved. It is to hold him once more and shower him with the 100 kisses I gave him every day! His message to us is to not waste precious moments of growing up and living life. Capture the every day things that are happening and not only the wishes for tomorrow. What we have now is time and presence; tomorrow is the future, time is now.

Oscar trusted us to have his back. He knew he could rely on us no matter what. Children want the same from us as parents. More than knowing you will provide food on their table and clothes on their bodies, the need to know they are emotionally safe with you. That you are able to love them just the way they are and that you will help them gain the ground they need in order to thrive. For Oscar, only the relationship mattered. It did not matter if I picked his oldest, most tattered toy, as long as I flung it for him with my excitement about seizing this moment with him. It was bringing the stick back to us that mattered, not the actual stick. It was the “thing we did together” that counted.

Oscar was always on a leash when walking our neighborhood and even though we prefer the freedom of no leash, we realized very quickly that the leash was the boundary of safety we could provide for him. When he was unleashed he ran away in the woods a couple of times. On the other side of the woodsy area was a highway and not exactly what I would have had in mind for him. We needed to tighten the leash when he dawdled and sniffed too long, and we let go more when his pace was controlled and all was good. Kids need these boundaries too. They need to know when we tighten the leash it will ultimately be for the good of them and that we do know better, but within the parameters of the “leash”, we can give them room to freely explore what life has to offer. We were friends, but he knew who held the authority in our household. He may not always have understood why we tightened a leash or held him back when his exuberant greeting was too much for another dog, but he understood authority and accepted it.

Yes, I shed some tears again this morning, as the hole in my heart feels like a huge chasm that is going to be so difficult to bridge. He was our buddy, our companion, our constant laughter, our love. We have no regrets, he made sure every moment was seized. He fought valiantly and proudly against old age and all he really wanted was for us to be with him and love him. I realize he was a dog, but in so many ways much of it is the same with your kids. Deep down they want you and your time more than what you can or cannot provide. Even though you have to think for them from time to time, and yes, you do have to plan for the future, do not let the precious moments of this day tick by without seizing the shared joy that only relationship and companionship can bring. Oscar is so missed. We loved him so! Thank you to all our friends and families who have sent us well wishes upon his passing. He was well loved by many as he went to our therapy center every day with us. Thank you for enriching his life and therefor also ours!

Goodbye Oscar! You were a very special dog sent to us for a very special reason. Your gift was to allow us to see the richness of relationship, of “knowing” each other. Without words you communicated and you gave. Be safe, our friend, until we meet again!